Bum Comics Review
by Dennis Fielder
Summary: Lester B. Bum reviews some graphic novels throughout time. Caution: Begging for change.
1. Star Wars: Empire: Betrayal

**And now it's time for...  
**

**Bum Comics Reviews**

****Tonight's review...

Star Wars: Empire: Betrayal

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Lester: Oh my god, this is the greatest comic I ever read in my life! Give yourself to the... SPOILERS! There's this guy dressed like an emo Dr. Doom, and he's called Darth Vader! And Darth Vader fights some Stormtroopers, and I'm like, "Holy crap, this is awesome!" And Vader's like, "You goes are good. Training over." And he's having this guy who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio send a bunch of Stormtroopers to the Death Star for A New Hope, and there's this other guy in a Scuba helmet who's like, "The Sith are just like the Jedi! We must destroy them!" So he learns that the Emperor Sidious is going to inspect the Death Star. And we get this... Flashback from Vader of how Qui-Gon says that his instincts will never fail him before he goes to his master and learns that a Jedi vigilante is killing people on another planet, and the Emperor hints that it's the child of Anakin Skywalker. OH MY GOD, WHAT A REALITY ALTERING TWIST! So it turns out the scuba guy is planning to kill the Emperor, and Vader has another flashback of talking to Padme just after his mother died. Huh. I don't remember that scene from the movie. Anyway, the ship Vader's on blows up! But Vader survives! Meanwhile, the Emperor about to board a shuttle when it blows up! And Vader attacks the ship responsible for the attack on his ship, and it turns out one of the officers planned it! So there's one more flashback about Obi-Wan talks about the privilege of having children, and so an assassin kills the scuba guy, and Leonardo DiCaprio arrives, but the Emperor outsmarts him! So the Jedi that Vader is looking for is hidden, so an entire village is fighting him for a reward or something, and the Emperor fries all of Leonardo DiCaprio's Stormtroopers! So while Vader's fighting, he's helped out by Boba Fett! So it turns out Leonardo DiCaprio wants to be a Sith, and the Emperor's like, "No. But you will be my favorite non-Force User whether or not Vader survives! So Vader and Boba meet up with the person he was looking for, and it's a lady wearing Power Girl's shirt! No wonder she had to get a new outfit for the New 52! This bitch stole her real shirt! So she wants to be Vader's apprentice, but Vader refuses and kills her! I knew she wasn't his child! Everyone knows that Darth Vader's the father of James T Kirk! So on the Star Destroyer, the Emperor watches Vader defeat the traitors on his ship, and it's revealed that the scuba guy came up with the whole plot, so the Emperor kills Leonardo DiCaprio for... Not being ambitious? ... Talk about a motivator. So at the end, the Emperor sends Vader to oversee the completion of the Death Star, and the story's over. Wow... Convoluted and really interpersonal. It was awesome! This is Lester B Bum saying CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE?! OH COME ON, HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA?! COME ON, CHANGE! WELL AT LEAST HELP ME BUY POWER GIRL HER OLD SHIRT BACK!

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Seriously though, this was a great story of Vader and is very energetic, though any twists are weaker than normal.


	2. Star Wars: Empire: Sacrifice

**And now it's time for...  
**

**Bum Comic Reviews**

****Tonight's review...

Star Wars: Empire: Sacrifice

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Lester: Oh my god, this is the greatest comic I've ever read in my life! He's no good to me without SPOILERS! So the Rebellion's blown up the Death Star, and it's inspired a rebellion on a planet we haven't seen before! ... And one we probably won't see again. And on this planet are Teenage Mutant Ninja Orcs! Cowabunga, Dude! So Boba Fett's been hired to kill the leader of this rebellion, who's the brother of the planet's king. So Boba Fett bursts in and blows stuff up with his blasters! And the leading Ninja Orc is taken in by Boba. So the leader gives him a fraction of the money he promised, and Boba just takes his necklace to even the deal, but just then, the rebels arrive! Booyahkasha! And the evil ruler is like, "Hey, kill these guys, Fett." But Fett just walks off. So the evil ruler is overthrown and the Ninja Orc Rebel Leader has them let Boba leave because he's lonely! So this comic was really, really good, and it was even cooler than Boba didn't say a thing and was still awesome! Now... CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE?! COME ON, CHANGE! Well at least give me enough to buy another issue. They're exspensimanive!

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Seriously, the greatest thing about this comic is how Boba never talks in this.


	3. Star Wars: Empire: Wreckage

**And now it's time for...  
**

**Bum Comics Reviews**

Tonight's review...

Star Wars: Empire: Wreckage

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Lester: Oh my god, this is the greatest comic I've ever seen in my life! I'm bored of... SPOILERS! There's these Imperial Pilots that get blown up by Boba Fett's spaceship. Boba wins! So he goes to this ruined Star Destroyer and goes through it. And he kills a dead Stormtrooper. Oh my god, he killed Kenny! You bastard! So then Boba's attacked by little lizard bats, and he blows them up! Boba wins! So then he's attacked by these raven robots, and he blows them up! Boba wins! So he gets a thingy and flies off. He then gives it to this Imperial guy who looks like Adam West. Oh my god, Family Guy was right! So it turns out the thing Boba got was a hologram of his own wife. So it turns out that Adam West only paid him half and accepted that he'd die, just wanting to see his wife one more time, so Boba shoots him. Boba wins! So this comic was really good. This is Lester B Bum saying... CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE?! Oh come on, help a guy out will ya?! Come on, change! Well at least give me enough to hire Boba Fett. My cat's missing, and I'm hungry!

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Seriously though, this issue of Empire was outstanding, building tension with the destroyed ship and ending on a real heart breaker.


	4. Star Wars: Boba Fett: Overkill

**And now it's time for...  
**

**Bum Comics Reviews**

Tonight's review...

Boba Fett: Overkill

Lester: Oh my god this is the greatest comic I ever read in my life! There's this guy in the Empire who works for Voldemort. Oh my god, Voldemort's still alive! He is hiding in the Empire! Save us, Harry Potter and James T Kirk! So the guy who's the head of the planet they're on is arguing with Voldemort! And Voldemort is like, "Give me my fuel shipment!" And the other guy's like, "No!" So the guy we're following, who is really forgettable, hires Boba Fett to take the fuel shipment back! So the guy's like, "You're doing the Empire a great service." And Boba is like, "I'm just doing a job." Boba wins! So then he blows up the head guy's base and kills him! So the lead guy's daddy, who is a king, yells at Voldemort! And shows an image of Boba saying that the guy did it. So then the king sends Boba to destroy Voldemort's base, and everything is exploding around him, but he just makes the Empire explode too! Then it turns out it was a whole ruse to show that Voldemort was a traitor... What?! Haven't you seen the Harry Potter movies! Everyone knows how power hungry he is! So the guy thanks Boba, and Boba goes, "Keep an eye out. You made some enemies today, and those enemies may hire me to kill you." What an ominous ending. This is Lester B. Bum saying... CHANGE! YA GOT CHANGE?! OH COME ON, HELP A GUY OUT WILL YA?! COME ON, CHANGE! Well at least give me enough money to find out how Voldemort got hired by the Empire! I'm still trying to work that out!

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Seriously, a cool set up, but boy is the main character dull!


End file.
